


Trial and Error

by uncle_keery



Category: Stranger Things (TV 2016)
Genre: Bisexual Steve Harrington, Eventual Billy/Steve, Experimentation, First Kiss, Homophobia, Homophobic Language, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Period-Typical Homophobia, Sexuality Crisis, Summer Camp
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-25
Updated: 2019-01-25
Packaged: 2019-10-16 03:15:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,829
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17541608
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/uncle_keery/pseuds/uncle_keery
Summary: Steve didn’t find it creepy but he was also starring at Alex while he slept. He was memorizing his face. How soft his curly light brown hair barely swept in front of his face, how flat the bridge of his nose was but how it rounded off at the tip, his long beautiful dark eyelashes. Steve was trying to see Alex’s freckles, it was hard to see in the dark but he knew they were there. He wished he could see them, to count how many there are, it would have to take him days but he would be more than willing to count them for weeks.-In other words: Steve's sexual identity awakening





	Trial and Error

**Author's Note:**

> This has been in my docs for like months and i was curious to think about Steve's arc of figuring out his sexuality before billy. so.. here! haha  
> K - @uncle_keery on tumblr

The summer of 81’ was between Steve’s 8th grade and freshman year. His parents thought it might be good for him to go to a camp program for part of the summer to “help his nerves of starting high school”. Steve wasn’t nervous at all about starting high school. He knew it was going to be harder but he had a solid group of friends, hell he was even one of the most popular kids in his school, maybe even Hawkins. Steve was smart so he knew the reason his parents wanted him to go to camp was to go on vacation, without him. Steve knew he was intelligent but he never showed it and put up a ‘dumb jock’ type of persona so he wouldn’t be target for bullying. He didn’t understand why being smart or having good grades was something people picked on other people for but luckily Steve is good at blending in and hiding things.

“Hey kiddo we’re here.” His dad said looking st Steve in the rear view mirror. He didn’t even put the car in park.

His mom turned her body to face Steve in the back seat “Oh sweetie, you’re going to have so much fun! Make sure you be safe and don’t get into any trouble.” His mom barred a wide genuine smile that somehow felt fake to Steve.

“I won’t I promise” Steve crawled out of the car with his semi bulky duffel bag with everything he needed.

Before Steve closed the door his mom shouted a goodbye that Steve didn’t return. As soon as he closed the car door they drove off. No hug and no sticking around to make sure Steve was all set. Steve guesses that they were in a hurry to catch a flight and that he was old enough to manage but he couldn’t help to think that they only cared about themselves and their summer vacation.

The summer camp program was called ‘camp hawk’ and was a month long, starting from the middle of June to the middle of July. Steve thought it was going to be lame but to his surprise the majority of his friends came and the activities weren’t that bad. He got to share a bunk with Tommy H., Carson P. and Alex. Alex was new, he lived in Georgia but for some reason his parents picked this camp in the middle of nowhere. Steve thought Alex’s parents were just trying to get him out of their hair just like his own. 

Alex and Steve got along immediately, they planned everything together, went to the same activities, explored the forest and snuck into the cafeteria to steal extra cookies. they spent a lot of time talking about nothing but there was something that made it feel different to Steve. He felt like he knew Alex his whole life, like he could tell him anything, despite only being friends for the past 3 weeks.

Steve didn’t think much of their friendship until the last week of camp. He realized Alex didn’t live in Hawkins and had to go back to Georgia, he wasn’t going to see Alex again. That thought made Steve sick to his stomach. Why didn’t he think of it sooner? It was stupid of him thinking that the only true connection he has made could last. Steve’s thoughts continued to consist of Alex for most of the night, he couldn’t sleep. Steve didn’t find it creepy but he was also starring at Alex while he slept. He was memorizing his face. How soft his curly light brown hair barely swept in front of his face, how flat the bridge of his nose was but how it rounded off at the tip, his long beautiful dark eyelashes. Steve was trying to see Alex’s freckles, it was hard to see in the dark but he knew they were there. He wished he could see them, to count how many there are, it would have to take him days but he would be more than willing to count them for weeks. He also wishes that he could see his eyes. Steve smiled just thinking about them, they were a light blue but they looked like they had a piece of every eye color known to man mixed together. His pupils were outlined by brown that tapered off to a dark blue, mixing with a lighter shade and then to a green. His eyes didn’t have a dark outline they had a grey light outline. Steve never saw anyone with more gorgeous eyes then Alex’s, he truly never seen anything like them.

The last week has various pick up times for parents. Steve was scheduled to be picked up on Friday but Alex was scheduled to be picked up on Tuesday. Luckily you were forced to really do anything that week, all the activities were still taking place but they could do whatever they wanted. It made Steve happy because he could spent the last days just hanging out with Alex. The thought of time running out made him frown but he was looking at Alex and he could never frown at his perfect face. Steve thinking how pretty, how beautiful, no, gorgeous Alex was. He looked like an angel, Steve swore he was one. 

Steve knew the thoughts he was having about Alex. He tried to stop himself one time because he knew what it made him. A fag. Steve never took part in bullying but he was surrounded by it, being a bystander. There were plenty of names being thrown around, fairy, queer, fag and homo. He never knew what they meant until Tommy brought it up at lunch.

“I wonder what he’s thinking about” Steve asked the question in a way that it was meant for everyone at the table. Everyone’s attention went to Max who sat across from Steve.

“Probably about Brad Pitt”. Tommy was obviously joking but the remark felt harsh.

Max snapped out of his trance “Oh shut the fuck up, I ain’t no queer” giving Tommy the same tone while punching his arm.

Steve understood what it meant then and he also understood what would happen if he was one.

Steve didn’t care. He tried not to think about it in the long run. He just knew how he felt right now. It was going to be over soon, Alex is going to go home and Steve will go back to school. Nothing will change. He’ll get over it and never feel it for another boy again, he’ll try to smother himself with girls so people at school wouldn’t suspect anything, so Steve knew there wasn’t anything wrong. It wouldn’t be hard to fix, right?

It was the last day with Alex. Steve felt bittersweet but he really tried to make the best of it. Alex and Steve played card games, board games and even did some arts and crafts. When Tommy and Carson left to do activities Alex started to pack so he could be picked up by his parents any minute now. Steve didn’t want to help, he couldn’t. He just watched alex pack from the comfort of his own bed, trying to memorize every detail about the other boy.

“I’m going to miss you” Steve blurted out before he could even think about if he should even say it or as to why.

Alex stopped packing and turned around to look at Steve laying down on his bed. “I’m going to miss you too. Here” he turned around and picked up a notebook and pencil and wrote something in it and tore it out. “Have this, it’s my home number” he walked over to the side of steve bed and stuck out the piece of paper so Steve could grab it “Call me when you get out of here. Steve took the piece of paper and before he could say anything a camp employee walked into the cabin.

“Hey, Alex, your parents are here.” Before Steve had a chance to recognize who it was they left the cabin.

Alex turned back to his bed, closed his suitcase, grabbed the handle and started to walk out the door. 

“Wait” Steve jumped up from his bed and walked in between the door and Alex. Steve acted impulsively and didn’t know what to say next, he was just staring at Alex’s eyes, his eyelashes, the millions of freckles that scattered his face and then his gaze shifted down to his lips. 

“Steve” Alex softly said, making Steve’s eyes shoot back up to Alex’s.

Steve’s eyes didn’t stay there long before looking back down at Alex’s lips. Steve shot forward while grabbing the back of Alex’s neck and collided their lips together. Steve felt whole. He felt as if he found his other half, a reason to live. Somehow everything made sense, everything felt good. He kept kissing Alex for what might have been too long before pulling away while keeping his hand on the side of Alex’s face. He didn’t know if Alex kissed him back, he couldn’t think. He heart was hammering in his chest and he felt like couldn’t breathe in any oxygen.

Looking into those eyes was a mistake. He didn’t find what he thought he was looking for, Alex’s expression was more confused than matching what Steve felt. He knew he wasn’t the only one feeling this way but, maybe he was wrong. Steve let go of Alex’s head, sliding it past his neck and dropping it.

Alex didn’t say anything. He looked back at Steve in shock. Steve was mustering up courage to say something when Alex walked around Steve and out the door. Steve didn’t look back, he just looked straight forward. Frozen. What did he just do?

-

Later that night at the bonfire Steve was surrounded by friends, happy faces and laughter. No one seemed to notice that he was looking down at the piece of paper with Alex’s phone number on it. Who was he kidding? Alex didn't like him back. He couldn’t, it was wrong and Steve knew it but, then why did he kiss him? Why couldn’t he just hold back and not fuck up for once? Steve had enough of it, he couldn't think this way. He couldn’t act this way. He got up from his log and threw the piece of paper into the fire and left to his cabin to sleep. 

Instead of sleeping Steve stayed up all night thinking, thinking of Alex. 

Steve thought about Alex in every shape and form, every scenery and light. All of the universe where he could be with him, maybe one where he liked him back, maybe one where he didn’t throw his phone number in the fire. What if Steve read it wrong and Alex did like him back? No, he can’t, he can’t. Alex was the center of his thoughts until school started back up and things started to feel and seem… _normal. ___

**Author's Note:**

> Oops i made it sad didn't i?


End file.
